Chapter
3
In my fascination I never
heart Terri return to the room. The sultry sound of her voice startled
me. She caught me staring at my bottom in the mirror - which for
some strange reason had me worried. I wondered whether I was to
be punished for that too.
"I know you've had
a difficult and painful day Eric. And I'm sorry that we have to
continue so soon after the last session. But you indiscretions were
inexcusable and I can't just forget them. Please come over hear
and position yourself over this bench."
She sounded so melancholy
and apologetic. Entirely unlike her previous business-like approach.
Almost as if she was sorry for having to continue. It was very unnerving.
I knew I had no choice but to obey. I walked over to where she stood
and leaned over as instructed. And for the first time, Terri strapped
me in place - one across the arms and another across the legs. I
was completely immobile and scared out of my mind.
I felt, rather than heard
or saw, Terri move across the room. She opened the cabinet of paddles
and returned with a menacing leather strap in her hands. She wrapped
it once around her hand and stood before me in a purposeful way.
"It is imperative that you learn to respect authority Eric.
You need to understand that you are not the only one that can be
in control of the situation. You think you are always right, don't
you? You act like the rules of your organization - and probably
even society in general don't apply to you. And that somehow you're
better than the rest. Even your obvious and proven skills and talents
don't excuse you from following the rules."
"I know you think
your indiscretion earlier was trivial, but I don't. And guess what,
you are not the one to decide what is trivial and which rules you
have to follow. When you're in my program, you follow my rules.
Do you understand what I'm telling you?"
"Yes ma'am."
I replied immediately.
"Perhaps you do,
but nevertheless, this lesson, maybe more than any other, needs
to be reinforced." Terri walked around behind me as she spoke.
I felt the cool strap on my tender ass as she measured her distance
from my exposed bottom. The sound of the strap as it landed was
like a gunshot. The sting went searing through my butt, and my whole
body convulsed involuntarily. The pain was horrible and I screamed
in response.
I heard the soft whistle
of the strap a split second before the second blow landed. A moment
of intense agony that brought me to the very peak of tolerance and
then ebbed away into a lingering sting. The strap was so much worse
than the paddle. This was pure punishment. One that was compounded
in that I was strapped down and completely helpless. Terri was in
complete control and I had no idea of what she planned. I have to
admit it. I was scared!
SMACK! Another searing
wave of pain, resulting in a primordial scream of agony. I struggled
at my bonds, trying to rip myself from the torment. At least Terri
was moving the blows around my bottom. However, my entire ass still
felt as if it was throbbing. SNAP! Another torturous blow. I collapsed
my struggles. I could no longer offer any resistance. I was beaten
and defeated.
Twice more Terri swung
the vicious strap. My body reacting by reflex. There were no tears.
My body was beyond crying. I just lay there with labored, gasping
breaths, living in my own personal torment.
For a long moment I just
lay there. No more blows fell. The result of the strapping lingered
strongly but at least no more punishment followed. I heard Terri
leave the room. I was held prisoner by the straps and the sting
was relentless. For a moment it felt as if the pain was increasing
with time. I lay there for quite a while. Bound securely in place.
My ass was awash in the after sting of the strap. My mind was racing.
"Where did she go? Why was I still strapped to this thing?
How much more could she have planned."
And then there she was.
Standing before me holding a menacing leather cane. My eyes widened
and my entire focus was on the cane. It wasn't possible. Not after
the strap and just before that those hated paddles. But there she
was. I looked at her in a pleading way, begging for mercy with my
eyes.
"This cane is to
teach you a lesson about respect Eric. I am still seething with
your arrogance earlier and I'm tempted to increase the number of
strokes I promised. You knew the rules when we started, yet you
chose to ignore them. I have no tolerance for that type of action.
Perhaps you've missed the whole point of this program Eric. I will
give you a choice. We can stop now. I will write my report accordingly
and we will be done with it."
Terri moved behind me
immediately after she finished her lecture. "What's it going
to be Eric, yes or no?"
There was no way I was
going to quit now. I knew it and she knew it. I had no choice but
to agree. "I won't quit." I stated with more authority
than I felt.
"Then you must ask
me to continue. I'm tempted to call the whole thing off myself."
"No!" I yelled
in a panic. "Please don't. I've come so far. I really have.
I know why I'm here. I agree with the program. I've learned my lesson.
You can't kick me out now."
Terri walked around to
the front, pulled up a chair, sat down close and said "tell
me what you've learned Eric. Tell me why you deserve to complete
the program." As she spoke, she got up and removed the straps
that held me in place. "Get up Eric. This is your chance. Tell
me why we should continue."
Freed from my bonds I
tried to rise. I was so stiff and sore I felt like a tired old man
struggling to rise from the couch after a long period of idleness.
The pain in my rear was intense and acute. Even the simple act of
standing accentuated the sting from the spankings. I winced at both
the sting and the stiffness as I rose to my full height. I collected
my thoughts as I stood humbly before her. I knew this was the moment
of truth.
"Actually, I have
a better idea, Eric. Let's see if you really have learned anything
from our program. You've got twenty minutes to think about what
you've learned. Think about your answers carefully Eric. I want
clear, honest statements from you with no bullshit. Tell me what
you have learned." Terri looked me directly in the eyes as
she stated her requirements. Her gaze held me captive for a few
long moments. The she abruptly got up and left the room.
My mind was racing as
I tried to synthesize all that had happened over the past few hours.
I felt surprisingly nervous and was trying desperately to organize
my thoughts. This was the critical juncture. I knew I had to satisfy
Terri and I was afraid I would fail the test.
Fear of failure. That
was my Achilles heel. With all my talent and all my success, I still
lacked confidence in my abilities. I had no choice but to face the
beast. I unconsciously began to pace around the room - an old habit
- and I really did think more clearly on my feet. Pacing was difficult
however, in that I felt the stinging results of that horrible strap
with every step. My butt was ablaze and it was hard to keep my concentration
and focus. Every movement was a painful reminder of the events of
the day.
It all seemed so dreadfully
strange. Only this morning I had returned triumphant from my meetings
in New York - and now here I was cringing from my day long whipping
- desperately trying to organize my confessions of all my faults,
transgressions and personality weaknesses. The really odd thing
was how perfectly natural it felt to accept the fact that I was
in this position.
I caught sight of my
tortured rear in the mirror and was once again drawn into staring
with utter fascination. It was a brutal sight. Deep crimson mixed
with purple. Obvious bruises in the shape of the strap. I had taken
a real beating and it continued to hurt like hell. It was only the
reality of the pain that enabled me to make the connection between
m own self-image and the strikingly out-of-place picture of my bottom.
And that's how it happened.
Out of the blue, with my mind focused on something else. The point
of the day started to become clearer. I suddenly felt extremely
guilty and filled with inner remorse in an instantaneous moment
of reflection on the implications of my attitudes and approaches
on both my co-workers and the firm as a whole. It was as if a curtain
was suddenly lifted - and I could see that the portrait was obviously
flawed. Except it wasn't a neutral painting I observed, it was a
self-portrait. I had been getting my ass whipped because I deserved
it. Up until now I had only been thinking about the very real pain
I'd been experiencing, not the underlying reason of why I was here.
The harsh realization
was a devastating blow. I deserved it! A hundred thoughts raced
through my brain. How could I be so fucking stupid? And more importantly,
what could I - and how should I - change it. I was so consumed with
the analysis and my planning that I didn't hear the door open until
I turned and saw Terri standing there watching me with the menacing
cane in her hand - and that no nonsense look on her beautiful face.
"Terri, I'm sorry.
I didn't see you come in. I've been such a complete moron. I know
the problems I've caused." Tears whelled in my eyes and I choked
back on y words. "I feel like a fool. I'm so sorry. I think
I understand the point now. I really do. I'm ready to explain it
to you."
"Not so fast Eric.
I'm pleased you have some thoughts to share. And I want to hear
all about them. I really do. But first we must get you into position."
Into position. No! Not
another spanking. I am already so sore I can hardly think of anything
else. "But Terri you don't understand. That's not necessary.
I've learned my lesson. I truly have."
"I know you have
Eric. I know this is difficult. But save your breadth. These are
my rules."
She led me over to the
couch in the far corner. "Bend over this arm Eric. Keep you
feet on the floor and your hand on the cushion."
I took a deep breadth
of resignation. Glanced at her with pleading eyes and assumed the
position she described. It was perhaps the most humiliating position
so far. My bottom was pointing straight up. The rest of my body
completely out of the way.
"Now Eric, tell
me what you have learned."
It was hard to speak
with confidence in this degrading and subservient position. But
I collected my thoughts and muttered softly. "I know I've caused
a lot of damage to morale with my attitude. I've humiliated others
and destroyed their self confidence."
I sensed Terri's movement
and heard the whispering whistle of the cane a split second before
it struck with a terrible SNAP. The intensity of the pain was indescribable.
I screamed and writhed in response. The sting was unbearable on
my already brutalized bottom. It took a long moment for the pain
to ebb even slightly.
"Please continue
Eric."
I was struck by such
terrible confusion. It was hard to collect and organize my thoughts
knowing that the cane was to be the result of my confessions. I
knew I was to be spanked, but I thought she was going to let me
speak my mind first and bear up to the punishment later. This was
so much worse. I had so much to say - and I wouldn't be able to
last very long this way.
To tell the truth Terri
had caught me off guard again. I stammered and stumbled a few I's
and um's - trying desperately to get my bearings. I was afraid Terri
was going to whip me for my failure - which only made my confusion
worse.
Thank heaven she didn't.
Instead, she stood patiently by as I struggled to compose myself.
"I know I have a serious responsibility to live up to - and
that I've failed to meet that responsibility. I've looked at myself
as the center of the universe, rather than part of the overall success
of my company. And in doing so I've caused a lot of problems - some
visible, others probably not yet even realized."
I saw Terri move out
of the corner of my eye and then, SNAP - the blinding white fire
pain as the cane landed on my bottom. Again I screamed and grunted
out a sting of curse words, trying to bear the brunt of her punishment.
I could almost feel the welt rise on my ass. "Oh please stop.
It hurts too much. I can't go on. I'm sorry."
Terri said nothing. The
silence built to a deafening crescendo. I knew I had to continue.
I grunted my confession through clenched teeth, trying to ride out
the sting of the cane.
"I've learned that
my position - and my success as an executive must be based on trust.
And I know that this trust must be earned rather than demanded.
I've realized over the course of today that trust is an outcome
of my actions. I'm too volatile. People don't know what to expect
from one minute to the next. That means they never know where they
stand. They are worried about making a mistake. Worried about meeting
my high standards. I think the result is they want to avoid me and
my activities. I've made them afraid rather than engaged. I've never
been aware of the feelings of others. Never felt it was important.
When, in fact, it is probably the most important thing for me to
do."
I struggled to find more
to say on the subject, knowing that when I paused, I would pay a
severe price. It was not to be. It was a natural stop - a totally
complete thought. I braced myself as much as I could in this position.
SNAP! The cane landed with a vicious bite. "Ayee! Oh shit!
Fuck! Damn!
The combined pain of
the caning was building to unbearable proportions. I writhed in
my position, desperately trying to shake off the sting. It was an
uncontrollable gesture - and totally useless. My bottom was burning.
Tears filled my eyes. My mind was racing with one thought - how
much more?
I lay there for a long
moment living in my own personal torment until finally the sharpness
of the sting subsided away ever so slightly into a sustainable throb.
I struggled for control of my thoughts, knowing that I had to continue.
With panting hesitancy I continued my confession. "You've taught
me a very painful lesson today about rules. And why I can't hold
myself above them. I've always thought that rules were for others,
not me. I've been incredibly haughty, believing that others should
be held to a different standard than me. It's all somehow related
to teamwork, I suspect. In order to promote teamwork, I need to
include myself on the team. If we are truly to be effective we all
need to exist under the same set of rules and guidelines. I think
this key lesson will also help me adapt to situations where I am
not in control. Like now! I finally realize how important it is
to give up my belief that I have a right to control others."
I braced myself for the
cane I knew was coming and for once wished I was wrong. SNAP! The
intense pain of the blow built to an immediate crescendo. I screamed
in agony, sucked in my breadth, gritted my teeth - all those involuntary
reactions that help reduce pain. It was of little use. This was
a whipping. My bottom was on fire. The psychological torture of
confession, knowing that the torment of the cane would follow was
too much. I begged for Terri to release me from the torture. "Anything
but this." I pleaded in a not very elegant way. I knew I couldn't
go on.
Terri must have known
it too. "I know how difficult this must be for you Eric. How
hard it is to balance the lesson of the cane with the clarity of
mind needed to confess your shortcomings. I do think we've gotten
through to you. I know, by the way you are speaking, that you have
learned your lesson. You needn't say anything for these last two
strokes."
Last two strokes. More
whipping. My bottom was hurting so badly, I didn't think I could
take any more. There was nothing to do but just lay there. SNAP!
The cane came down immediately. The pain was severe in its intensity.
I cried out in distress. Only the anguish was present. The sting
was relentless. SNAP! The last blow put me over the brink as waves
and waves of suffering flowed through my butt. I buried my face
in the cushion and writhed my butt around. There was no relief.
It was pure torture.
The final blow built
to a stinging crescendo and I struggled to bear up to its effects.
The combination of the day's activities had taken its toll. No level
was left untouched. The intense after sting of the cane was dominant
of course. But there was also a deeper pain. The muscles in my bottom
were bruised and cried out in anguish. In between, was the broad
continual sting of the hairbrush/paddle. And finally, around the
edges, an overall stiffness in my back, thighs and shoulders. Every
movement of my body, every flinch of my muscles, was crying out
in a virtual symphony of torment.
But that was not the
worst of it. The ever-present physical pain was understandable.
After a full day of beating, it was logical that my body would hurt.
The psychological pain
was infinitely worse. The final confessions of the moment - and
the unexpected blows of self-awareness about my behavior, and the
knowledge of why I was here in the first place - left me reeling.
So much so, that I actually welcomed the physical side. Deep in
the back of my mind I knew it was a well-earned and clearly deserved
punishment.
As I lay there struggling
with both my psychological and physical suffering, I felt Terri's
presence behind me. And then, her touch. I jumped involuntarily
as she placed her hand gently on my bottom. But this time, it was
not for an additional spanking. The cream on her hand was soft and
silky. The feeling was exquisite. Blissful relief. Ever so gingerly,
Terri rubbed the soothing softness of the cream onto my tortured
bottom. The contrast was so striking. It was pure ecstasy. The overall
tenseness within my body began to flow away. I was a prisoner to
the sensation. I collapsed to the feeling, wishing that the moment
would continue forever.
"Eric, we're finished"
she whispered. "All I have to do is write up my report. You
have behaved well. And I don't think any additional lessons will
be necessary."
I couldn't believe my
ears. Her words came as a powerful shock. The reality was hard to
comprehend. Finished. Done. No more spanking. I didn't know how
to react. No words came forth from my lips. All I could do was lie
there in position as Terri continued rubbing the soothing cream
onto my bottom.
"This has been a
difficult day for you" she cooed in a tender voice. "Just
stay there and let me relieve some of the pain for you. I'm pleased
with your performance today. From reading you file, I was uncertain
whether our program would be effective."
The soothing sound of
her voice and the blissful sensation of the cream flowed through
me. Terri continued to gently lather liberal amounts of soothing
cream on my tormented bottom. The silky coolness was a wonderful
sensation. But no amount of cream could completely remove the pain
of the day's treatment. Every inch of my butt was still screaming
in anguish. I collapsed in my position and availed myself to the
slight relief of the new feeling. Terri continued to whisper softly
about her pleasure in my performance. I didn't so much as hear her
words, as I did the sound of her soft voice. I didn't want the moment
to end. I needed to be reassured by her words. It was only much
later that I realized that what I truly craved was absolution.
But after a while, I
became aware of Terri's words offering her help in getting up from
the couch. "Let me help you up Eric. Don't try to rush it.
You must be very sore." I couldn't seem to move. My legs were
stiff. My muscles didn't want to respond. My body was holding me
a prisoner in position. However, with a seemingly Herculean effort,
I was able to push off the cushion and slowly rise to my feet. But,
even the simple act of movement was accompanied by overlapping waves
of agony. My bottom was awash in the after sting of the spankings.
My legs, back and thighs were stiff from inactivity. And there was
a deep throb that was rapidly working itself to the surface.
Terri held onto my arm
and slowly rubbed my back in a sympathetic gesture. I allowed myself
to be led from the spanking chamber into her office. The first step
was pure torment. Every motion ignited in pain. After the first
steps, movement became easier. My body was beginning to recover.
The coolness of the air conditioning in her office brought an additional
moment of relief. I slowly began to regain my composure. Out of
the chambers, out of my world of torture and into the office. I
was entering back into the real world. It hit me hard. My punishment
was complete. I was done. Tears of emotion at the knowledge formed
in the corner of my eye.
I watched as Terri walked
to the desk and opened a small bottle of aspirin. She handed me
four tablets and a glass of water. "These should help a little,
Eric." For some reason, I couldn't speak. I accepted the medicine
without a word. Terri took the glass from my hand and placed it
on a nearby table. "I need you to stand here before me as I
write up my report, Eric. Turn around so that your back is facing
my desk.
So here it was. The final
act of the day. My humiliation was complete. I was to stand here
on display like a child who had been sent to the corner. But in
some strange way if felt appropriate. "I will leave you to
your thoughts Eric. Please, no talking. This is the final part.
Keep your hands folded in front of you. I want you to think about
what happened here today - and why."
I heard Terri move around
behind her desk and the sound of the computer booting up. For a
long moment, all I could do was listen to the sounds. And then I
heard her start to tap on the keyboard. My report! Waves of anxiety
flowed through my veins. I was uncertain whether I had passed the
program. She said we were done, but I was unsure whether she said
I had passed. I wanted to ask. I needed to know. I was desperate
to find out. But her instructions were very clear. The final part.
Terri's fingers were
flying across the keyboard. My future with the firm! Her fingers
were crafting my future position. What was she saying about me?
The uncertainty was almost worse than the punishment. For a long
time I stood there. Each tap of the keyboard only heightened my
anxiety. And then she stopped. I could feel her gaze. I could feel
it on my bottom.
Her hesitation brought
me back to reality. I became aware of my own sensations. In the
silence, the intense sting of my butt moved forward. Hundreds of
confusing thoughts raced through my mind. Unconsciously I began
to reflect on the events of the day. My initial thoughts were about
the spankings. The paddle. The hairbrush. That cursed cane. I seemed
so surreal, as if it had happened to someone else. But the reality
was obvious. The sting of my bottom was unavoidable. The pain was
so real.
After some long moments,
my thoughts turned to the reasons why I was here. I found myself
reliving snippets of Terri's lectures. Worship of being right …
the power you have over people … haughty and arrogant. And
then my own words of confession flowed in like an overpowering wave.
Abused my position … quick to judge … made others feel
bad about themselves … deserve your punishment. It was all
true. I had abused my position. My own personal success was insignificant
-- because I had failed at the art of managing others. I couldn't
stop the thoughts as they flooded into my brain at a dizzying pace.
The clarity at which I now understood the whole fucking point of
the day was now embedded in my very being.
I lost all track of time
in my contemplation until suddenly I became aware of the furious
sound of typing. I emerged back into reality. I had no idea of how
long had I been standing here. In the back of my mind I heard the
sound of printing. Multiple pages were churning out. I desperately
wanted to turn and look, but was afraid to do so. I heard Terri
rummage around her desk and the sound of paper. Then I felt her
presence beside me.
"Eric. I've arranged
for a driver and a van to take you back to your home. I'll have
someone else drive your car for you. I've sealed your report and
you are not to open the envelope. Deliver it to Mr. Taylor first
thing Monday morning. Here is some aloe for you to use this weekend.
And you are not to say a word until you have left the building.
Nod your head if this is clear to you."
I could do nothing but
nod. It was cruel to leave me this way. I was in torment at not
knowing whether I had passed. "You can wear this gown for the
ride home." I slipped the gown over my head. It was incredibly
soft. But even so, I could feel the pressure of the material on
my bruised bottom. I looked at Terri with pleading eyes, hoping
that she would notice my frustration and offer some words of encouragement.
"The back of the van is padded and you can lie down on your
stomach."
She seemed ambivalent
to my pleas. I followed her through the office and back into the
waiting room. The driver appeared out of nowhere and accepted the
bag of my clothes from Terri. I walked slowly toward the front door
with Terri following closely behind me. As I was leaving, Terri
touched my shoulder, turned me around, pushed close, leaned in and
gave me a soft kiss on the cheek. And with an almost imperceptible
sound Terri whispered "you passed."
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